Farewell.
Farewell.
A goodbye note from a heart that would probably never heal completely.
A goodbye note from a heart that would probably never heal completely.
Words will not do justice to what I am trying to say here because no set of words can. This is because, I am going to talk about how two days back, every single time, my shaking hands would grab an item and put it in a trolley, my heart would want to sit down in a corner and cry to myself. This is because, when goodbyes and good friends are in order, the outcome is surprisingly painful. This is because it has finally begun to sink in and this doesn’t feel good. However, I guess that for the next few days, this is what we have to live by.
I had the honour of saying bye to most of my friends and seeing them off our beautiful college campus but with that honour, came pain. Bundles of pain. Every time, I would drop someone off and walk back the three storeys to my floor or roam around in my department, there would be a new empty room. It is one thing to see an empty room and feel an emptiness inside yourself but when this happens in a progression, it kind of eats you inside out. Gone are those days when I could barge into any room with absolutely no explanation and do whatever I felt like. It has been such a phenomenal span of 4 years that it took me a while to come to an agreement with reality. I know this, because 48 hours later, when here I am sitting in the comforts of an AC First class train back to my home, it already feels like a long day. Happiness and excitement are the two feelings that I am farthest from right now. The only rescue unfortunately, is to just close my eyes, remember whatever we did over the past four years and smile.
I have been in hostels for over 13 years and with such an experience, I believe I can partially predict as to how things are gonna shape up henceforth. You won’t meet most of the people you were used to and in the long run, you will lose them to the years. I guess this is life. Everyone will have different priorities over the years but, as of now, it seems getting a chance to relive these days would be something we all would prioritise above everything else. It seems they are right when they say college days are the best days of the life. You must have read it a thousand times but it dawns on you only when you let it all go.
Not long before the final departure, beautiful mentions were made in the graduation speeches. We all remember entering the campus and looking at everything, picturing as to how we were gonna spend the next 4 years, what we all wanted to achieve and today, gone are those days, and it seems like a flash. However, now that I look back at these memories, the only things that I remember are the cakes and the laughs we shared, the songs and the dances we had, the parties and the late night talks, the rules we broke and not the grades we received or the worries that we had. Also, in the end, it all makes sense.
It was not us to wake up at 4:00 A.M in the morning to see someone off, let alone stay awake the whole night in an attempt to distort reality. It was not us to count everything as probably the last time. Personally, every time, I would pinch myself to convince that it was just a bad dream, there would be a sad confirmation of the reality. I would crack silly jokes because more than the one person going, probably I was the one who needed a distraction. As men, most of us are relatively better at holding our emotions. However, in the final moments, when everyone had tear in their eyes, you somehow lose the ability to hold your shit together. And, it was perfectly okay because these tears marked the strength of the bonds that had been made, a few ones which would last a lifetime.
They say the best thing about IIT Guwahati campus is beauty and they are correct. Well, almost correct! It is not just the presence of twisted roads, lakes, sunrises, riverbank, hills and a pleasant weather that makes the campus click. It is in fact, the people you spend time with along with everything mentioned above that takes it to the top. Because, every time, I would drop someone off, the car ride to the airport would be more of a flashback of the four years and every time I would take a walk back to the hostel, I would sense a strange sadness grabbing the campus. The very same yellow and white lights, the flowers, the waters, the reflection of hills and the buildings etc. all seemed blurry. The old campus walks didn’t feel the same.
The best thing about an institution like an IIT is that it gives you an opportunity to get surrounded by some of the laziest yet smartest people. Things are going to change over the next few months and all of us have to just live by that. I would still have survived without the people I met in college, but the feeling would not have been the same and if I was to relive these days, there would hardly be a few things that I would change. We might have parted ways but our paths will again cross each other and to that, I say, Cheers! until next time. To everyone who has been a part of this beautiful journey, the world might call you my friend, but I call you my world.
It might be coming to an end but let’s celebrate that fact that we got to be a part of it. Obviously, reminders would keep coming. I am left wondering as to what would the deck of playing cards in my hands right now do? What about the T-Shirt that belongs to your friend? How long before the smiles that are trying to hide the pain would actually make sense? It’s very different and it has rendered a broken heart.
“However, a life that you love is a life that’s been lived, a heart that’s broken is a heart that’s been loved”. — Ed Sheeran
Fare thee well.